Majoris Bummeris

Business has kept me from entertaining you, I sincerely most apologise.

The title refers to a careless happenstance on Thursday, just passed. As I bent to pick up some things, I stood up too quickly, too tightly and altogether too muscularly.

I ripped my trousers, right in the seat.

Now, there are few advantages to having a hole in your trousers, especially 2 hours into your working day. I think the fact that a fart gets slightly less trapped in your regions maybe the top one.

Luckily I was wearing my uber fetching thermal under-crackers (they're for isting, it can get mighty cold you know) and they kept my dignity from showing and my butt from freezing.

Then on the weekend my girlfriend and I went briefly topless at night, that was fun. The fact we were doing 60 mph at the time just made it extra delicious! (Answers on a postcard please).

We also saw my Grandparents who are decidedly cooler than you and more bearded. Well, my Grandfather is anyway. On the way back we stood upon a canal bridge and pondered, which is the inspiration for this ditty;

'As I stand
And look yonder.
Stars above
And ground under.

Thinking thoughts of things I've thunk,
Carve our names in a tree trunk.

Countryside
Is under-rated.
My intestines
Are nickel plated.

Thinking thoughts of things I've thunk,
Carve our names in a tree trunk.

Shooting star;
Make a wish.
Wish wish wish
Wish wish wish.

Thinking thoughts of things I've thunk,
Carve our names in a tree trunk.

Dance with me
Apothecary.
Side affects
Make me sleepy.

Thinking thoughts of things I've thunk,
Carve our names in a tree trunk.

Yet we journey on and a new week begins. (I've finished the poem now, you can carry on). The tedium alleviated only by moments of non-tedium which, hopefully, are more frequent than the tedious moments.

Aiding me in my quest for interest is Rachmaninov, the celebrated Russian Stand-up comedian. Only, most of his work seems to be music based. I'll admit, the jokes aren't great, but he's not bad at the keyboard. As organists say 'He's got a cracking set of pipes on him'.

Snigger.

So there we are, a recession free view from nincompoop Island, which is an entirely self contained facility... inside my head. No recession here, baby!

Until the next time, ye dogs!