It was requested of me (by the PVN of the title, no less - so I could not refuse) that I do a post on 'Thunderdogs'.
'We've had "Thunderbirds", "Thundercats" but no "Thunderdogs".' Hey, I thought to myself, there is an opportunity to overuse quotation marks if ever I saw one.
What follows is my basic premise for the pilot episode of the new smash hit series
THUNDERDOGS!
Saviours from planet Poodalia
'Captain, we are honoured by your presence.'
Captain Lickshimself woofed formally and greeted General Chasescats with the customary sniffing of the rump.
'It is my pleasure and my honour, General.' His deep, guttural voice was softened somewhat by the slightly damp nose.
'Indeed it is Captain and were these happier times I would lick you until you could take no more!' Captain Lickshimself cocked his head to one side and made a questioning sound. 'Erm, yes. Hmm.' The General cleared his throat. 'I have brought you here because these are grave times, and indeed even graver than we thought or maybe even think now! Who can tell?'
'General, this is bad.'
'Thank you Captain Obvious, I just said that. You mong(rel)!' General Chasescats was renowned for not suffering fools, but for quite often suffering from fleas. Swings and roundabouts really.
'We have had reports from one of our furthest outposts that they are in dire straits, sorry straights. Let me clarify, they are not Mark Knopfler, they are having a rough old time.'
'Thank you General, now whos the mong?!'
'Oh alright, this set-up is taking far too long! We need you to go now, they're running out of Pedigree Chum Dentastix and its doing the poor spaniels no good at all!'
'They're all spaniels?'
'No you fool, its just an expression!' General Chasescats turned from the room and flounced out, mindful to make it convincing because flouncing is hard when you have four legs.
'General, wait! Am I going alone? Where am I going?'
'Speak to Miss Inheat, she'll tell you all you need to know.' The General continued his flouncing.
Captain Lickshimself looked at the spaceshuttle he had been given for the trip. Miss Inheat had been very helpful giving him all the details and letting him know he'd be taking a bunch of crack troops on his mission to save Erf.
As the four-canine troupe blasted off in their enormous Crufts rocket 'You ain't nothing but a hound dog' wafted back and rested for a second above a small deposit they had left behind.
The intrepid crew shared an insipid journey across space, only stopping once or twice at an intergalactic truck stop. This caused a little bit of unrest amongst the group as they were far from home and hadn't eaten well in a while.
'When are we going to get there?'
'Whats the food like on Erf? This 'Postman's Leg' is of such poor quality its barely moving!'
'I can't wait to sink my teeth into a real hippo and not this processed rubbish!'
And so on...
Eventually they crash landed on planetoid Erf. It was in a little town called Piddlehinton in Dorset and they were very excited to have made it to that central hub of the universe.
They quickly set up camp and making a hide for their craft. Captain Lickshimself gave the orders quickly and efficiently.
'You there, Sergeant Andrexpuppy take that and put it over there, Private Chasescars, Corporal Peesontrees, you're on sentry duty. Lieutenant Wagsthedog and I shall strike out to see what we can find. We're on a fact finding mission about this planet, its inhabitants and their ways. We need to stop this economic dog-turn if its the last thing we do...'
TO BE CONTINUED(ish)
Next episode: 'Oi, get your pooch of my potatoes!'
Jokes that were not used in this post:
The correct usage of Bitch,
Economic dog-turd,
Anything to do with humping.
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