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I do wonder how often examiners read 'Apart from that bit, oh and this bit' on test papers where the pages are marked 'This page left intentionally blank'.
I mean come on, I don't need telling that 'this is a blank page', thats what I have eyes for!
When God created the Heavens and the Earth several million moments ago he didn't put little markings down everywhere did he?

'This crapaud intentionally green' on a toad?
'This country intentionally made neutral' on Switzerland?
Or how about 'This country intentionally made dull' on Holland?

Whats next for goodness sake? Will I have to stencil 'This nail left intentionally blank' when I don't fancy painting my toes? 'This head unintentionally left blank, but I can't do anything about it'? 'Facial expression intentionally left blank', thats one for all you parents with teenagers out there.

I'd like to see test papers where the page is marked 'This page intentionally filled in with invisible ink. For anything above a C+ you will need to answer the question.' I'd love to see all the methods that bored kids in exams would use to un-invisiblify the ink, and then all the other kids not copying them, because, of course, that is forbidden. Much like asking what is the best material to make Elves' hats from. Oh, ooops.
You'd have kids peeing on their test paper hoping that the chemical urea, which is contained in urine, would have a reaction with the invisible ink, but then they'd get seen by the 'invigilator' and all of the kids in the rest of the class, who would laugh at him and call him Pee-pants McTestyson of Weesville...

It wouldn't be nice, but it would be a load funnier, lets put it that way.

I was going to ask Herbert about this because he used to work for one of the exam boards, EASY-PEASY-Pass I think it was, but I couldn't because he's diurnal, which means he was in one of our two toilets playing with some dice. I do so hope he's not gambling, thats a quick way to loose a lot of wonga and you don't want that for your giraffe, not even at the worst of times.

I actually prompted him into the toilet by letting a tap run for a while with just the barest amount of water trickling out, then filling a jug and slowly pouring it into my cup. Then I decided I didn't want any water and slowly poured it down the drain. It was funny hearing him protest 'No don't do that, it just makes it worse!' 'Ahh, now I really need the toilet, you rotter!'
Its also funny how the same thing doesn't happen when I pour chocolate raisins into a bowl, but thats a different matter...

Whilst trying to remember the word 'diurnal' I've just come across the word crepuscular, which to me sounds like what the French would call a pancake who has been to the gym one too many times. An obvious joke, but still pleasing to my sleepy brain.

Its one of those words that you'll forget soon but it'll be 'just on the tip of my tongue' when you come to remember it. You know like, oh that one, erm, thingymabob-something or other, isn't it?

I'm going to start a new trend for when I can't remember something and this is what I'm going to say;

'Oh you know, like, oh that one, erm, wait for it, 'oh yeah, its just in the crook of my elbow.'

Its almost as if all the knowledge I possess is in some kind of submissive yet ultimately non-compliant headlock and I need to wrest the information from its grasp. Quite a potent metaphor, I think you'll agree, especially for this time of night, when I should be sleeping.

Sleep is an interesting thing, especially for some people. I know one fellow who feels very frustrated that he can't do anything in his sleep, so he's training his toes to type. Then he's going to put a laptop at the bottom of his bed so he can type his thoughts right up until he falls a sleep and he hopes he'll just carry straight on through his sleep. Fascinating. Of course I just made that guy up for a laugh and to see if I could, but sleep is still an interesting thing.

Oh yes, after I've written this I'm going to update my profile to include my occupation and location, just for all you eager beaver, weaver, cleaver, reader types. That'll be great won't it! Its on the left there somewhere in the 'about me' section.

Basically I'm proud of a few funny things I came up with and I'd like you to read them so I'm showing you where they are.

Good morning.